apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
