the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My feet surprised me
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