He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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