I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
