I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
