Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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