What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The uberlube is also flammable
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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