I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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