In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize