Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize