oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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