What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
