dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
