"it" just moved
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
