I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
