Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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