apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
