I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
