I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
