I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
