Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
