I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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