The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
