I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
