Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize