my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
