That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
