I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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