Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
