Please, let me fuck your mom
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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