He had one of those small greek statue penises
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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