a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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