True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
zippers are such a cool invention
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
