I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
