What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
