Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
