Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
