I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
