I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
