The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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