yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
