Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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