I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
