I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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