I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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