What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i think my cat just said my name.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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