Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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