It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
