he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize