It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize