You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
