PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
