I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize