it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
