the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
