i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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