My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
