Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
