I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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