You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
