He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
