Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
