New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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