I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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