I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
