my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
