Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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