He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
