can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
