i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
