We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
