batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
